Ukuvuma

Iyini imvume ekusebenzeni?

Kwenzekani njengoba ubusuku buqhubekela phambili kanti noma bobabili abantu abasha sebebuhlungu kakhulu ekuphuzeni? Uma izivimbela ziphansi futhi zifuna ukubopha kancane, umuntu angahamba kangakanani? Ngabe 'cha' kusho ukuthi 'mhlawumbe'? Yimiphi imithetho yomdlalo? Uthando luphendukela nini ocansini? Ubani onquma?

Izimvume kanye Notshwala

Ngabuza owesifazane omdala we-17 ngesimo sengqondo sengqondo esincane esivela emlandweni ocebile owabambe iqhaza emakilasini ekuvumelaneni nasekusebenziseni abesifazane. Sizombiza ngokuthi uJan. Wangitshela ukuthi "wayazi imikhawulo yakhe" ngotshwala. Lapho ebuzwa ukuthi wayesho ukuthini ngalokho, waphendula wathi, "Angisoze ngiphuza kakhulu kangangokuba ngingadlula". Uthe "u-preloaded" ngaphambi kokuphuma ehamba ngezimpelasonto futhi engavikelekile, ubulili obungavamile namadoda ahlukene. Uvume ukuthi akaze alala naye nalabo bantu uma engazange adakiwe. Futhi wayengavumelani nohlobo lobulili, okubandakanya ubulili obuyingozi, ukuthi babevame ukufuna. Kodwa wathi akayikulahla indoda ngoba 'imkhuthaza' ukuba abe nobulili kulezi zimo ngoba wayephuza futhi wayevusa ucansi. Ngengqondo yakhe wathi kumele ukuba uzinike imvume ngisho noma azisola ngosuku olulandelayo.

Kumuntu omdala, 'ukwazi umkhawulo womuntu' ngotshwala kungahle kusho ukulahlekelwa ukulawulwa kokukwazi ukuvumelana ngokukhululekile. Ukungezwani okunjalo kokuhumusha kwenza ukuhlukumeza kwemibandela kuhambisane nezilingo zokudlwengula. Ngambuza uJan ukuthi kungani ethola ingozi yokukhulelwa noma izifo ezithathelwana ngocansi ngokungasebenzisi izakhi zokubeletha. Uphendule ukuthi ubaba wakhe uzothukuthela uma ezwa ukuthi intombazanyana yakhe ilala naye. Uthe uma ekhulelwe, uzokhipha isisu, unina angamsiza. Ngakho-ke naphezu kwezinkulumo esikoleni ngale ndaba, ngokusemandleni ukwesaba kwakhe ukuthi abazali bakhe bangasabela kanjani futhi ukucindezela kontanga ukuphuza okuningi futhi 'kumnandi' ngobusuku obubaluleke kakhulu kunokulinganisa kwakhe siqu izingozi zezempilo kuye. Lokho kungumqondo wobuntsha obuthatha ingozi.

Nakuba kuyisiphambeko sokulala ngokocansi ngaphandle kwemvume, abesifazane bavame ukukhononda ukuthi baphoqelelwe kuwo. Ucwaningo kubonisa ukuthi ukuqina okuqinile kocansi kuyisenzo esivamile kakhulu phakathi kwabantu abasha abaneminyaka engu-16-18. Amadoda nabesifazane abasha bathatha izithombe zobulili ezingcolile ze-intanethi njengesisusa esiyinhloko. Ngisho noma bebazi ukuthi "buhlungu kakhulu kulabo besifazane", izinsizwa zilokhu ziphoqa ngangokunokwenzeka ukuze 'zenze' abesifazane ukuba bavumele. Ngisho nezinsizwa zazingabonakali ukuzijabulisa ngokwazo. Lokhu Ingxoxo ye-10 yomsindo wamaminithi nomcwaningi oholayo uchaza kabanzi mayelana nokuthola kwabo. Owesifazane oyedwa kuphela ovunyelwe ukuwujabulela. Kwezinye izinsizwa, i-kudos yokuthola "amaphiko" abo angaba umgomo oqinile.

Ukuzithiba kuyinselele kubo bobabili besifazane nabesilisa ngesikhathi esifanele, kodwa ikakhulukazi endaweni yesehlakalo phakathi kwentsha. Ngaphandle kokuthi uhlelo lokusetha imingcele selungisiwe kusengaphambili, kungaba nzima ukumelana nokuqina okunamandla lapho izincabango zocansi zihlaziya futhi uma sifuna ukubonakala sengathi zibukeka ngokocansi futhi 'zipholile'.

Kodwa-ke imfundo eyengeziwe mayelana nomthelela ophuza utshwala ngokuvuma kanye nokuthi ungabambelela kanjani lapho ubhekene nokuphoqeleka kuyadingeka. Ukufundisa 'amakhono okuphola' nendlela yokuhlonipha imingcele yomunye umuntu kuyoba yisandulela esikhulu. Ucwaningo oluthile lwezimo zengqondo zabantu abasha lucele lolu hlobo lwemfundo.

Lona ngumhlahlandlela jikelele kumthetho futhi awusenzi iseluleko sezomthetho.

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